Solstice Moments of Randomness
We do like a bit of random around here
The wheel of the year is certainly turning very fast again this year. It seems like yesterday, that I sat by the fire on the shortest day of the year. I won’t have a fire today, but spiritually, there is definitely a fire burning.
Solstices are moments of renewal, out with the old, sweep the house, sweep your mind. That’s very much what is on my mind on during those days. And yet, I feel that it’s pretty much all I have been doing over the last year. Sweep, clear, scratch it out, write a list, edit, crumple it, in the bin with it. It feels like an ongoing process. And it’s nice, even though there are days when it’s super hard.
But today, I also have a reminder of what a difference 24 hours can make.
My HRT journey
Yesterday, when I took the above photo, I was out on one of my walks. I was so tired. Walking felt like such hard work. The walk was to include a trip to the chemist to pick up my HRT prescription, which the GP finally agreed to give me after 2.5 years of begging. I cried, and I pleaded, I printed out lots of research and highlighted it, I got irate (not proud of that moment, but it happened), I cried some more. And finally, she relented. When I came out from that appointment, I had to lie down, because I don’t know about you, but when I am spending a lot of energy like that (and trust me, when you have ADHD this is even harder) and then I achieve what I wanted, then well, I just really struggle to align to the new reality and the fact that this “to do” is now done. The world feels very unreal for a while after.
I have chronic illnesses, but since having Covid Christmas 2020, life has been super hard, I never regained my pre-Covid levels of health. And entering menopause at the same time did not help one bit. I had peri-menopausal symptoms for a long time and so since 2019, I have been asking for HRT, but since being in menopause the symptoms ramped up. Hot flushes, especially at night, was probably my worst symptom. I would wake anything up to 10 times a night drenched in sweat, I had to sleep on a towel and change it several times a night, I had to change my own clothes several times at night. I have not slept more than an hour uninterrupted in over 18 months… until last night.
I had expected the HRT to take a while to have an effect, so I did not expect this at all: I slept all night. I did not even wake up to go to the bathroom. I slept for over 7 hours straight, and it feels like a miracle.
So yes, I am actually feeling a bit like my old self today, the pre-Covid roughly 2016 Melanie. I had a bit of a weep (of happy tears, tears of gratitude, tears of pure joy) earlier because I just feel so good. And if you are living with chronic illness and chronic fatigue, then you may understand how momentous this feels.
Because I am new here, I am looking for Substacks to follow, and I loved these posts recently:
Folk Forecast: Mainly about gigs happening, but has a useful Spotify playlist that provides you with plenty of new folk music to listen to.
Vittles: It’s a food substack and I adored that post about Scotland’s food heritage.
Breath: I love this post by the lovely Tracie. It’s about Remembering Breath and also how to sustain ourselves.
Dreams become reality: I love stories like this when a long-held wish, dream etc. comes true.
Confidence: Really resonated with the low confidence of the motherhood journey.
Have you found anything interesting yet? Please share.
I like to call this house “Fuchsia World” and every year, there are more and more containers full of them. Ground containers in white, all of them. That’s dedication.
I love how this metal gate is corroding in the most beautiful way. The colours are amazing, rust meets old paint. I adore it.
The other day, I found this lot of vintage teacups. I adore blue and white porcelain and stoneware, so they now live on my mantle and have tea lights in them for extreme cosiness on cold days.